Herman Cain: Pizza Guy for President?

Ex CEO of Godfather's Pizza Herman Cain

On Saturday, Herman Cain won Florida's straw poll, and by quite a large margin. He's showing himself a serious threat to Rick Perry in the fight for the Republican candidacy.  Unfortunately, Herman Cain is an incompetent, inexperienced bigot who has absolutely no business being considered for President.

First, let's talk about his political experience.  Well, there is none.  That was easy.  He's never held any political office.  He's absurdly proud of this, going so far as to claim it's a good thing:

Knowing how Washington works isn't necessarily an advantage. As a businessman going in, I don’t want to know how Washington works. I want to change Washington D.C. and so by not knowing how it is supposed to work I can ask tough questions that will help change the culture.

That's wonderful.  He doesn't want to know how Washington works.  Cain apparently thinks that being President of the United States is like being in a comedy movie, where pluck and audacity is enough to succeed at pretty much any task in the world.  Maybe he imagines that he's like Reese Witherspoon in Legally Blonde 2, and that his ignorance of political culture will be just what's needed to shock all those stuffy old codgers out of their ruts and get something done for a change! He's definitely shown that he doesn't have the slightest idea how government works, with bizarre statements about how he'll only sign bills that are three pages or shorter.  I guess he just doesn't like to read.

Of course, maybe he's just playing on the Republican love of ignorance in all its forms.  A little knowledge is a bad thing, according to these folks.  After all,  Rick Perry brags about being less intellectual than George W. Bush.  Why wouldn't Cain brag about not knowing the first thing about being President? 

Cain's supporters point to his experience in the corporate world, repeatedly touting that as more important for a President than any history of public service could ever be.  Republicans do adore their corporate masters, so someone with experience running corporations is worth five times as much political experience.  Herman's biggest claim to fame is that he managed to keep a troubled pizza chain alive.  Sure, he did it by firing hundreds of workers, but he did keep the store from failing.  But is that really the kind of experience we look for in our nation's leader?  What else has he done?

Now that's experience.

Well, he led a lucrative energy corporation into an Enron-like downward spiral, pushing them away from energy production and into energy trading.  As the company's stock fell by 94% and the employee's retirement fund lost $200 million in a single year, Cain rewarded the company's top five executives with $30 million in bonuses. Typical of Republican leadership, Cain prefers to reward the rich, while punishing anyone doing actual work.


Cain is a veritable treasure trove of fringe beliefs, but let's touch on one of the stranger ones.  He's stated publicly that Planned Parenthood is engaged in a genocide against black babies.  Of course he supports the complete de-funding of Planned Parenthood, as a Republican, it's a given that he's against women's freedom.   I should mention that fewer than one in ten abortion clinics are located in predominantly black communities, but Cain's never been one to let the facts get in the way of his sweeping statements.

Then you have what might be the most offensive political ad ever aired.  It's basically just a two minute long montage of horrific imagery from the 9/11 attacks, set to Herman's rendition of "God Bless America."  The ad ends by quoting Cain, "We must never, never, never, never forget."

It's pretty much the most transparent attempt to scare people that's been aired in years.  Sure, we might expect this kind of viciously disrespectful display from some local politician hoping to scare the uneducated common-folk into voting for someone to save them, but this is from a major political figure.  Someone that might have a chance at being the Republican candidate for President.  It's offensive, and it's vile. 

Now, let's talk about his bigotry.

Cain's bigotry is so blatant that it overshadows anything else I could say about him.  He's basically running for President on a campaign of "Muslims are scary."  Even for conservatives, that's disgusting.  If there's one thing that Cain wants everyone to know, it's that he hates Muslims, and that Muslims have no place in his America. 

Cain has promised that he will require Muslims to give a loyalty oath before being able to serve in his administration, an oath he states will not be required of any other faith.  This is toned down a little from his earlier statement that he would not be comfortable appointing any Muslims at all, but it's still pretty blatant. He insists that this is not discrimination.  I can only assume this means that he makes up his own secret definitions of words, which he doesn't tell the rest of us, because it's hard to imagine a clearer case of religious discrimination.

Well, it's hard for me to imagine a clearer case of discrimination, but not harder for Cain.  Herman's also said that communities have the right to ban Islamic mosques.  He claims that this is in no way against freedom of religion, which makes me wonder about those secret definitions of his again.

Simply put, he doesn't think that Americans have the right to choose their own religion.  He supports the governmental restriction of our liberties as American citizens, and wants to take away our rights.  But we knew that already, didn't we?  He's a Republican, after all.  Of course he wants the government to tell us which God we can and can't worship.

But hey, he sure can run a pizza chain, can't he?